Let’s Speak Up Now!

It’s the topic we love to bring up, but do we ever really discuss it? Some people may do it, but we’re about to do it now. Let’s talk about these unspoken rules when it comes to dating. A lot of people long to have healthy, happy and thriving relationships and it’s possible, it’s al- ways possible. We’re always looking and dreaming about the happy ending, but sometimes we need to get through the beginning.


A few weeks ago, I was engulfed in a conversation with 2 of my friends about who should make the move first. Is it okay for the woman to reach out first or does it make her look thirsty? Or should the woman wait for the man to reach out? Now me, I feel like it can go either way! I feel like sometimes we might think too deep on jumping off the conversation, however, it’s important to consider how the conversation goes. You don’t want to seem overly excited, but at the same time, you do want to seem excited and definitely interested. Also, ladies, it’s nothing wrong with reaching out to that man first! Closed mouths do not get fed and don’t let your pride get in the way. If you want to reach out or you’re thinking about him or interested to strike up a conversation, DO THAT! Don’t let your pride get in the way. How many times have we possibly do it at a bar or a club? You know you and your girls may have done it once or a few times to get that free drink! So think about a text, how much easier and probably much more tasteful that can end up being because you can be in control of how the conversation kicks off.

There are always these hidden and pre-meditated expectations when getting to know someone. It’s like there are these unwritten dos’ and don't(s) when you’re considering a poten- tial partner.

Do: Be upfront about your feelings.
Don’t: Be overly into your feelings and tell or give them everything.

Do: Be clear about your intentions and your expectations.
Don’t: Test them sometimes and see if they meet your unspoken expectations (let me tell you something...this right here is playing games. We too OLD). If there’s something that you need, want or are expecting, SPEAK ON IT!

Do: Be emotionally available.
Don’t: Become emotionally overbearing (this IS a thing and it can be overwhelming).

Do: Be open and willing to share things about you and who you are.
Don’t: Share too much though! Save a little bit as you progress (it’s all about the extent of your comfortability).

Do: Be open to meet people that are different from you. It’s true that opposites attract and sometimes can help build you up in various ways.
Don’t: Be judgmental about anyone’s past. We all have different stories to tell and have differ- ent backgrounds, so be open to hearing that.

Do: Have standards and a sense for what you want.

Don’t: Be money hungry or focused on status. There’s beauty in growth. The growth can hap- pen spiritually, emotionally, physically, financially and mentally. There’s a certain magic in growing with your partner.

Do: Be a good listener. When you’re connecting with people, you’re going to have to hear their stories and learn more about them.
Don’t: Push anyone away. If you’ve agreed to go out with them, give them the fair chance and get to know them.

Do: Have a positive attitude. Dating can become draining sometimes if you overthink it. It’s not designed to be difficult, it’s designed to be fun and a moment in time that you enjoy, so do just that.
Don’t: Be mean, dismissive or negative towards the process. Love doesn’t always come easy! Relationships period are work, but just starting off it should be fun being able to connect with others.

Do: Make sure that you’re mentally and emotionally ready to enter into dating.
Don’t: Start dating if you’re not ready for all the things that come with it. Dating is not a job, but there does require a balance and if we’re willing to do it, it does involve commitment. If an- ything, commit to yourself that you’re ready to find love and it requires being in a healthy state of your life.

These are just a few of the do’s and don't(s) that I believe are unspoken to others or maybe even pieces of advice we receive from our friends. Dating has to be what you make it and dating has to be at your comfort. You have to create your own rules, but also realize that there is always a way to do things tastefully. Dating and love is a risk in itself and it’s not al- ways pleasant, so be ready for that. But recognize that you can be free and that you can do things at your own pace. You don’t have to take all of my advice and you don’t have to take all of someone else’s, IT’S UP TO YOU! What are some of the unspoken rules/expectations you’ve heard about dating?

by Nia I. Williams @__queenniaa