Single In The City


You’ve tried Tinder, you’ve tried the thirst traps, and you’ve tried Jesus - but your dating life continues to try you. If you find yourself unsuccessfully mingling while single; check out (and apply) some positive practices below that will improve your bae department.

So you’ve read countless articles about tips for successful relationships listened to endless podcasts on surviving that lil’ situationship - and have googled more sex positions than the law should allow. Seriously. You’ve followed the formulated rules about associations, and have even applied the millennial mantras on the attitude and actions to exhibit while involved with someone, but you still can’t seem to “get right” in the bae department. You see, by becoming enthralled with the notion and requirements of maintaining a relationship - somewhere along the way, the focus was lost on not only mastering but enjoying that little part that happens before - dating. Properly dating while single can be the most amazing and flourishing experience when executed in a positive and beneficial way, which is why I’d like to share some promising tips with you. So if you find yourself out here single and your dating life is in more shambles than the comments in the Shaderoom, take a moment to check out the following gems on healthy and successful dating practices.

Date Yourself: You will find yourself out here feeling as though you are running a race and riding a rollercoaster all at once. If you are not truly aligned with yourself, you’ll attract the same unstable energy in someone else. It’s important to learn who you are as a person, as well as what you seek and enjoy in life. Take the time to date yourself - take yourself out. Spend time alone with your body, mind, and spirit; discover, address and heal traumas and triggers. Master self-care and maintenance before inviting or allowing someone in your personal realm.

Date On Your Soul Level: It’s okay (and encouraged) to have as much fun as possible, as your experience should be an enjoyable one. And while you may not be prepared to stroll down the aisle to the altar just yet - it is imperative that you date on your level. Now often times when we think of levels, we tend to only focus on the physical and materialistic attributes. However, what about the effect they have on your mental and spiritual capacity. Do you genuinely vibe with their energy - because you know it never lies. If you know good and well that you aren’t attracted to them intellectually, why even waste your time. Entertain someone whom you can visualize yourself being with in the future, even if they turn out not to be.

Caught A Body ‘Bout A Week Ago... Slow Down: You need to go see a man about a horse. You have an itch that needs to be scratched. Listen... I get it, and I feel you. However, aside from my pleading on behalf of your body and PH balance, current statistics on sexually transmitted diseases should serve as enough motivation to play it safe when it comes to having relations. Sex can also cloud your judgment on whether you honestly have feelings for the person or if (like milk) they do your body good. Now I understand we are adults, and it’s different strokes for different folks but STD’s aren’t the only thing that can be exchanged during sex. You’re sharing and receiving energy from that person, and you don’t want to catch the wrong one. And just like the perfume tester at Macy’s dwindles away over time - so will your goodies if you are sharing them with any and everyone. Once the person decides they’re ready to make a purchase, they buy the full bottle - not the sample. Don’t be a sample. Make them earn your bottle.. disperse wisely.

Elevate Your Mind Craig - But Don’t Stay There: Act accordingly for what it is and not for what you wish it to be. You are single and dating, and so is that other person. A new prospect is always refreshing and optimistic, but take it slow and enjoy the process organically. Now I’m not saying give 10 years of your life to someone with no progression or commitment, but what I am saying is don’t rush things based on a fantasy that you’ve curated in your mind. The excitement of the “honeymoon stage” can lead to you producing scenarios that don’t match reality. Avoid letting yourself down, don’t make it more than what it is and leave yourself reeling from a harsh reality check.

Live Your Best Life: Literally. This should be a time of growth and exhilaration, not misery and constant frustration. Take this time to learn and grow as an individual, remain positive and true to yourself so that you may reciprocate the same energy.

Written By: Jessica Payne @_gojessiigo