Embracing The Fear

“I won’t let fear control me. I’ve come to know a little ‘bout love, you see? I know it don’t come around every day, especially for me.” SWV spoke truth to my life with that lyric from their criminally underrated song “Love Unconditionally.” 

Many people assume women are the only ones who stress about time in relation to life events; marriage, career, babies, etc. As a young adult male, I’ve stressed about finding love and being successful since before I graduated high school. 

Here I am, almost a decade removed from high school and nowhere near close to walking down anyone’s aisle. Strangely enough, I’m OK with that fact. I grew up with this notion that I had to have it all together by 25 because I felt it was the way life needed to go in order to fully enjoy myself. 

I had no representation of this notion beyond my mom marrying my dad in her early 20’s and then later finding love again in her 40’s. She never made me feel this pressure. I placed it on myself. Fear of life on my own was just far too daunting! 

Fear of being seen as lonely made me cringe at the idea of being alone. In college, I didn’t even like doing things like grocery shop alone. Looking back, I laugh at myself because it was the most ridiculous thing. I think there was even a little anxiety built up around this concept of being alone in my adult life.

How a kid who grew up loving Sex and the City was scared of being single is beyond me. 

Societal norms often times block us from seeing that there’s nothing to be afraid of. There’s a refreshing beauty in embracing the unknown and giving ourselves time to explore the world without any time constraints. 

I can’t even imagine being engaged or married at this point! I’m still learning so much about what I do and don’t want. Dating has been so much easier without the constant pressure of “is he the one?” I’ve taken the pressure off my self and it’s made my journey that much sweeter. 

There’s an art to being alone but not lonely. I’m getting better at it every day. While I look forward to securing the ring one day, I’m having the time of my life being single and fabulous! 

By: Jamel Coles 

- @jamelisyours